hu.

I seem to have developed the ability to go the speed limit without thinking about it, how handy.




I'm so paraniod right now...mentally it almost seems easier to hang myself from my light then to keep looking over my shoulder.
But then I think about who would find me.
I would feel so bad.

Its sad

Ever day when I leave for work I tense up and find my mind fixated on what their going to yell at me about that day. Seriously, not a day goes by that I don't do something wrong. Or rather, not perfect.
I'm deathly afraid of being scolded or yelled at.
And it happens everyday I go to work.
Funny though, both my bosses say that I'm the best employee they have ever had and that they would like me to stay on for a very long time
Kathleen wants me to become the assistant manager.

Some of the things that I want to remember

I want to remember that I hated it when I started working 8 hour days, and that when my kid come home tired and grumpy I shouldn't yell at them.

I want to remember just how it felt lying on the uncut grass every spring reading a book, before all the bugs and before the sharp leftovers of grass clipping dug into my elbows.

I want to remember picking animals out of the clouds while the smell of the lilac bushes above us waffed over our heads.

I want to remember picking raspberrys and having to run away from the canes because of mice and bees.

I want to remember Smokey and Mr.M winding their way through those canes, happy to keep you company on a hot summers day as you worked.

I want to remember sleading and hitting a little sappling that wouldn't give up, flipping the slead and sending us all down the hill head over heals.

I want to remember swimming in the swamp and winding garder snakes through my hair, stealing the malard egg only to have it blow off the deck and smashed to bits on the cement.

I want to remember tracking moose in the bush, making my brother eat dear pellets because they looked like chocolate.

I want to remember finding the only horse that would let me ride her bareback dead in the snow, and how she looked rotting in the spring, all blotted with maggots crawling out of her eye soccets.

I could go on like this all afternoon and recount my entire childhood, but I would rather not.

perhaps tommorow.

...I don't ever know

Why do almost all the guys that come in here feel the need to justify them selves to me. Another perfect example of this just walked out the door.
Comes in eyes me up, grins starts talking and then realizes two things;
1)I'm really not intrested
2)shit...my wife/girlfriend/signifigant other is downstairs/exists

I honest to god don't understand any of it.
I don't understand why they start to talk to me they way they do. I'm actually, really and truely, not pretty, not hot and not worth their attenchion.
I don't understand how they honestly forget about that other person. Or how they think that their breaking my heart when they tell me that they have this other person around, thinking that they've been leading on this girl that is so obviously bored with the conversation.

late mornings and never ending nights

I love it all so much. So nice and safe.
But I get such flack for it.
Honesly, I find it kind of funny that the person who is 'spossed' to know me best hasn't figured out yet that I'm pretty absent minded and not inclined ot remember only marginaly immportant things.

Anywho, I shall be heading off to Red Deer for an undecided amount of time with some people
It'll be good.

But right now I have to go to work

good bye all

Note to self;

When a pair of pants has been in the dryer for any length of time they sould be considered dangerous. Case in point; 'mmmmm warm pants they feel so good on my legs...but wait, they burn me...They BURN me!!' See all those little peices of metal that help to hold these thing together also seem to get rather warm in the dryer.

ouchys...

Crazy...

This lady just came in and she was absolutly insane, like a younger version of a very distressed Pat. I tryed so hard to be nice and the like but it waslike she was on crack, you just could do anything right. One minute she loved something the next her hated it and couldn't go near it. By the end of it she went on about she must be getting sick with some sort of throught infection. I stopped breathing. Honestly, I don't wanna get sick, maybe that makes me the crazy one, but I didn't breath again until she had left, and I was in the office where I guess I preceive the 'clean' air to be.

I get to close up in about 20 minutes here, which is nice because its been just so darn slow. Though I did get to read through my new GQ and talk to Marilyn Ben and Kevkev. So I guess you can consider that productive.

Its going to be so nice, I'm going to go home and go to sleep. I'm addicted to sleep. Or at least not being awake.

I'm excited about Friday and Saturday, its going to be fun. Ahhh, music and dancing. How I love it all.
I need to figure out what I'm going to wear.
Damb Kathleen and makingme work for 4 freaking hours on saturday.
*wiggles wrist in her general direction*

work-work-work-work-work

DAY OFF BITCHES!

Thats right, I get tommorow off. A wendsday...woohoo.
yeah, ok so thats not all that exciting.

I need something to do
I'm so bored
perhaps I shall just sleep the time away until I have something to do

I so didn't think about this...

Ear widgets of doom!

They infect me and use my mouth to spew their non-sensical&lude statments.
Example;
Saturday working at Carlton;
I see a lady come in from the neigbhoring Shoppers, the thought that went through my head was 'ah, she hit the shoppers'. I approch her all ready to relay this to her but what comes out is; 'I see you shit...' I had to stop. *laughs* It was brilliant. Almost as good as asking an officer if he had any hash on him when I was working at Sobeys.

I'm just so...

down...
I don't know if its the Ad-busters thats making me feel so bad about myself and my rampant consumerism. Maybe thats part of it but really I'm pretty sure its not just the horrible one sided magazine warping my mind.

Its so weird though. Its a perfectly nice day. I love the rain and the fact that I can actually open my eyes up without fear of the burn brought on by too much light that often greats any attemps at such a thing on a 'normaly' sunny day. People are being nice. And only a couple of extreamly remote deaths to report.

Well now I'm actually down. It seems like everyone I know is giving up on the whole idea of university. My ever present fear that I'm going to live in a shit hole apartment, pay cheuqe to pay cheuqe springs up again and I am deathly afraid to take another step in any direction.
I need dennys.

This is what I think of!?

You know that time right before you actually wake up but your still vividly dreaming? I'm pretty sure thats the time that none of your dreams make any sense.

So 'we're' happily floating along on some boat and all of a sudden it flips over. I'm pretty sure there was about 30seconds os storm before that happened but still. The only thought that went through my head was...crap I have mail that I haven't sent yet...how will it get to those people now!? So in all the excitment of drowning I search around for a Ziploc bag to put them in so they wouldn't get wet...makes sense right? I mean its not like I'm not already water or anything, which I was. But it had to be ziploc not glad because they have the clinging inner layer. What did I think that ocean was going to freeze over the moment I died?

*shakes head*
I'm pretty sure I've been brain washed by ziploc commerchials if it makes perfect sense in my dreams to go look for a ziploc bag instead of trying to swim away from a wreak.

I L-O-V-E this band!

Its probably one of those things that I'll fall out of love with in a few weeks but right now I'm obsessed with MSI

Never heard of them?
Hit your perfered downloading program and pick up a few songs.
Its well worth it.

Work

Look at me! I'm such a slacker!!

Really there is nothing left to do here and there isn't anybody around anyway so no matter.

Today is such a slack day, the only really productive thing I've done is sweeping...both at home and here. And that doesn't say much. Though I do find it intresting just how dirty it can get at my house in a matter of days crum wise.

So, yes. I wish I had some news or some intresting story.
O wait I guess I do. And suprise suprise it isn't me bitching about the whole moving thing...and yet it totally just snuck in there didn't it? Any-how, there was this crazy drunk indian guy wandering down whyte ave today, alright I'll admit it so far this doesn't sound very out of the ordinary but really this is strange. He approched two gentalmen sitting at one of the tables out side of starbucks and started yelling at them in that slurred way that drunk people do but we all gathered after about a minute of his rambling that he wanted their change. The guy that works at the starbucks, and by the way the only one that doesn't make you buy anything before letting you use the restroom, came out, puffed up his chest like any heterguy would do and 'politley' asked him to leave. I had to laugh. though I was concerned that our drunk friend would turn at him and try to shove the tennis ball that he was holding down his throught. No such luck for all the people that love drama out there, he just left...almost. As he walked away he spotted the perfect pray. I swear to god a living hobbit. Short, curly dirty blond hair, wearing all natural tones and merrily wandering down the street living hobbit. The poor thing didn't know what hit his when Mr.Drunk decided that he didn't want t he change of the gentalmen acosted earlier he wanted not only the change but ANY money that this man was carrying. Mr. Starbucks was right pissed off with this change in events and calle din for the cops to be called. Really though, our friendly neighborhoor hobbit some how managed to sqeeze past Mr.Drunk and trot off before anymore damage could be done as he was left wondering where he went for a good 30 seconds.

Ah, its a shitty story but I'm bored so...tada!

What else is there to say?

I'm moving and I fucking hate it

The rage that is inside me could...well lets just say that tuna wouldn't do it all justice.

Just try and make sense of that buck-o

I'm going to go burst into grain.
Its so bad I'm stealing other peoples brilliant statments.