Yesterday

was happier than what I've seen of today so I shall write about that.

um...putzed around with marilyn for the majority of the day and come 6 we were waiting for E(r). But he did not come. So I decided it was time for another grand adventure. Called up marty to see if he wanted to come...even though it seemed like we just needed a run since we had missed the last bus I had intended to call him anyway. So we go. Mostly an uneventfull trip there but on the way back we stopped by Marty's grandmothers...yes you read correctly, at 10 o-clock in the evening. His crazy uncle wasn't home, which (as marty tells it) is a plus. Eat some of her fudge and jelly beans then leave. She's funny, a little hopped up on pain killers but not bad. Go back to the traffic circle of doom (what kind of traffic circle ahs Lights in it for christ's sake!?) and take the right exit, make it back to lister in one peice. hang out a bit and then leave with marty. Go on an imprompt-to tea trip to martys. see the new shiny desk top, talk on msn. Go over to al's at 3:30 in the morning to stand for an hour in her door way making stupid / extistenchial comments and feel like I'm floating for the majority of it. Drop Marty off back at home and then go home my self. Go to sleep at 5am. And now I realize that that all isn't yesterday at all but the day before...shite I need to get my hold on time back...

Yesterday has just re-emerged in my memories, I remember now.
And honestly I don't care to write an abridged version of another day in here so...

have a good one

Christmas(-eve)

Is...alright...I guess
If there’s boots involved
My pleasantly crazy father took me out shopping yesterday, that’s right; Christmas Eve. I guess he expected the mall to be full of 'calm' shoppers. Which surprisingly, to me anyway, it was. For the amount of cars in the parking lot you would expect there to be hoards that you had to fight your way through inside, but no, there weren’t. In fact there were very few people around...it was odd. Perhaps there is a gapping void in Chapters and all those folks buying gift-certificates for the loved ones that they don't care much about got sucked into it. If that is the case I am just happy that the great G isn't working there any longer.

Any-how, as per our usual jaunts in the mall my father saw 3 people he knows from work. Two ass' and one extremely nice young fellow. I would have patted him on the head for this remarkable likeness to a stuffed puppy if it were not for the fact that he stands almost a full foot taller than me. I think his hugs would be awesome. Any-way...I got nothing that really constitutes Christmas presents. Winter boots that I've needed for the past 3 months but my father has neglected to get for me until now. I love them though. It took the nutty Russian sales lady and I over an hour to talk him into buying them. She even gave him an 'extra' ten dollars off to remedy his pouty face. I can't really complain at all though; made in Canada, leather (made from the cows they slaughter anyway), black + laced up with a zipper on the side. I could stomp around in them all day long, which I intend to do actually. All the time I'm not on the computer I'm stomping around the house yapping about how much I love them, I think I shall get a ginger-bear to the head soon enough.

Onward to the world of...pastel bras? sick I know, but as I sifted through the mess that was La Senza I did happen to look up to be startled by the array of colors that you can now get a 'hydro-lift' bra in. *shivers* sometimes I wish I was a boy...then I stop. ooo ooo, and don't let anyone ever tell you that your too old for Pooh Bear. Every pair of my socks are now graced with his fuzzy little face...either him or one of his 'minions'. 'sept for rabbit, I hates him, can you say OCD?

Alas, I fear I have mislead you...that is if you still know what’s going on I shall have to break your stride here; I did get something that resemble Christmas prezzies. 3 movies, one came out of the three dollar bin though, so its not so bad. The Order, a movie which I am in lust over. The Rules of Attraction, can you beat this character movie? and Broken Down Palace, Marilyn said it was good so I grabbed it. I am so happy about that as well. *points at face* can you see the glee?

Side Note 1.5; where did I get the energy to do all of that in an hour and a few minutes? I have two words for you; White Moccachino. Heaven in a drink. My hands were shaking really badly by the time the sugar wore off though. Don’t you just hate coming off a sugar buzz?

An abridged version of the rest of the evening;

So we got home so I could throw myself into a frenzy to get ready for dinner at Ben’s house. Shower-run into room half naked - try to find the perfect outfit - get dressed only to realize this is not what I want to wear - start throwing clothes around just in case I have the perfect bottom to go with my gray silk shirt and…Bingo!! - long lost skirt found and ironed by father (also slipping in there while he was distracted that I was going out with Ben now) I run out the door. Drop Marilyn off at her parents. (sorry I left you for the slaughter) Late! Hurry over to Bens - don’t forget to say hello to his parents and offer help in the kitchen - apologies to Jonathan for insulting his card-board shield-that minor problem remedied relaxing bens room after picking out his out-fit (which he looked amazing in) - called down to dinner – eat - keep on eating - still eating - mmm wine+pop - drive out to see his god - daughter (cute as a button) - go back - dessert - finish wine - go ‘watch a movie up stairs’ - actually watch some of The Order - Thank the hostess for dinner - keep on getting phone calls from father that I can’t answer - sad that Ben will be gone for 5(!) days - drive home expecting check-stops but see none – home - sleep…

And it was good.

thoughts...even though this is not the place for them

Well…its snowing, those nice big fat snow flakes that make you happy to see them, the ones that actually warm up the earth. But I shant get into the chemistry behind that statement because I’m sure it would be rather lame…
Friends.
What an interesting word, I find the connotations to said word even more intriguing though. What does it really mean and how many classifications can we create to organize the people we have come to call friends in too. Alas, if we were to start classifying things this post would be not only long but meticulous and therefore a waste of your infinitely valuable time. So, lets not start with that. I have a quote for this whole idea also but I won’t bother you with it. But to get back to my original point. To be a friend or to consider some one else your friend there must fulfill certain requirements. Must you feel a certain kinship towards them? Do you souls bear a little something in common? Or are you just friends of or for convenience…? (wouldn’t that be unfortunate) And does this change with time? For I am certain that people change in time, especially in this rather hectic, would be tops turvy time of…post secondary life. And if stipulation 2 is correct, that the souls are somehow threaded together, then does your soul change? Or perhaps, to soften the blow we shall say, mature? I really don’t know. All I do know, as I am cutting this argument or exploration of a human interaction down, is that all the friends I once had I still feel a bitty of companionship towards. No matter the circumstances of the ultimate separations, parting of ways. *shrugs* I’ve run out of energy to think on it.

Here's the quote anyway…can’t remember his name though;
To divide the whole is to name the new parts…there are already enough names. –Some Chinese dude.

Happy days

its really odd. my life is in this hot and cold phase right now. On one side of things I am on the extream side of happy and on the other I would like nothing more than to jump off of Macenzie Tower to my human pancake death.

I'm really happy because I'm in love with a boy who says that he loves me. Because I feel safe and cared for

I'm scared and depressed because I screwed up this term at school with my inability to focus in the begining and right when I thought I had some focus back I lost it again, fucking up some of my finals. Because I'm hurting my friends and because I'm scared of so many things. But all of that is material for Cold and Sharp so I shant rant about it here

Good things going on right now;
-its warmer than the hellish -25 it was a few days ago, and yes I know that it shall get worse and colder but I like this little bitty of warmth that we have now
-I get hugs...constantly from so many people, its amazing
-I have hope for a briter tommorow, and that has driven me for a lot time, hopefully it can still drive me now
-I have people who love me...I think, and thats a nice thought to have

so thats enough light to fight back the dark
right?

LOOK! A Mongoos!!

I have been awake for 24 hours, I have acheived nothing.
Awsome.

Awake

Its 3 o-clock in the morning and i'm awake and happy
for some reason when it gets really late I forget that I should be sad.
I like that

On-ward to excersise....mmmm...endorphines